I worry that one day, when I have entered into a serious relationship, I will make the other person feel...unimportant. I have come to terms this summer on a lot of things, mostly the whole asexuality thing. I was before but I guess I have just become more affirmed some how. I get kinda tired of people telling me it's a phase, but it's just how i have felt my whole life. I also get a little annoyed when guys think to make it their goal to be the one to "turn" me. Like "Wow okay so you're giving me the heads up that we WILL be having sex? Okay...."
I just worry that I'll make someone feel undesirable and they will cheat, break up, or feel bad about themselves. I feel bad about it, but at the same time I can't feel bad for who I am. What ever, I just won't stress. Besides, I've been thinking, I wonder if I'll be in that percentage of people who never marry. Not exactly what I want but if thats what fate has in store then I guess it's good I have this social awkwardness otherwise if I was outgoing being alone my whole life would really bug me. Though to be honest I think being alone my whole life would still bug me. Well this is a depressing post...
I tend to not like single girl rants, I think they are immature and stupid, but it's a little different for me I guess. I really don't mind being single right now. I have school and I most likely wouldn't be able to spend time with someone, however, I guess it's natural to feel the want to be needed, you know? Gah I'm just blabbing.
I realized yesterday that I have never said I love you to someone who wasn't a family member. Not even a friend (outside of texts and emails). It seems like a really...significant, fragile, and vulnerable word. And we all know how I am no good with showing vulnerability. I find the phrase hard to even type/write.
School starts tomorrow. Excited to see my old pals. Not liking the prospect of homework. *sigh*
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