Age is just a number

     I have realized that I don't like being reminded of my age.  There is a stereotype of the average 19 year old girl (I say 19 since I will be 19 in a week).  My family sure tends to underestimate me, even a certain parent.  I think I really appreciate having my mother understand me so well, since she has been able to stick up to me against my other family members.  My grandparents have never understood that I'm not the average teen or kid or whatever.  It's like the only think I offer as a grandchild is good grades, it's not like they really care about who I am (I'm sure they think they know, but they have no idea).  I like to believe that I understand more than people realize.

     I just don't want people to think bad of me or little of me because of my age.  My whole life I have felt like a 40 year old in my mind.  Though I am proud of having a young heart.  It's very important to me to keep a young heart.  I would probably say that one of the only things I'm immature about is probably in my humor (though I do get some edgier dark or political humor).  I'm not too good for a fart joke. Haha

Thats why I expect a lot from my friendships, because I expect them to act like adults, even though biologically they can't.  Another aspect I never understood about high school or people in general was the drama and mind games and gossiping. Even now I couldn't imagine being that kind of person.  I was bullied in middle school, trust me, I know what it's like to be a victim and hate who you are.  I couldn't be one of those people, I was kind of a bully in elementary school and I feel bad about it.

Thats why I'm glad I have some people in my life that just understand me and can just be mature (well...mature enough)  :)

Quick note:  I feel bad for people who constantly put themselves down.  Or people who think there is something wrong with them just because someone made them feel bad or rejected them.  I have had all of these feelings, but as I get older, I have realized who I am and that judging myself based on what others think of me solely is not as important as what I think of myself.  Thats not to say I don't care what others think, but I'm getting better.  I think one of the things I most worry about is that somehow I am too complicated for people to deal with, be around, get to know, or hell even love (dramatic I know).  But hey I'm not complicated, I'm interesting ;)

Btw totally random: the 90's was the best decade ever.

Watching: Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 1