Oh Sufjan Stevens, how you are able to sing about my life without ever having met me. I was listening to the amazing song "Chicago" and had one of my many life altering revelations from music. See, not a lot inspires me in this world. Only the most mundane, musical, and childish can spark my mind. When I heard Mr. Sufjan Stevens sing-
"If I was crying, in the van with my friend,
it was for freedom,
from myself and from the land.
I've made a lot of mistakes..."
I realized something about myself, I realized my greatest weakness. Myself. The only person to hold me back my whole life was myself. There is a saying that goes "you are your own worse enemy" and I don't think people think about this fact enough. I have many reasons to hold myself back (in my mind). From a low self esteem to my constant worry about how I am seen. I'm not a vain person but I am egotistical (in my mind). I was brought up by a worried mother, leading to a worrisome child. Say something like driving for instance. I'm a darn good driver if I say so myself, but when in a slightly unfamiliar setting I cannot help but panic. What happens if I get lost? What street? What exit? I admire those who throw caution to the wind, those fools. Those who do road trips with their friends and live to tell a story to their kids. I will have nothing.
Sometimes I find it hard to look people in the eye's, something about looking into someones eye's is very intimate, a level i'm not totally comfortable with. This is not for any other reason than the moments of getting lost in their eye's makes me feel totally naked. No barrier. It's a truthfulness that cannot be compared. I think when I have fully committed to someones eye's thats when I trust them fully. Unfortunately, the eye's can play tricks on you.
Though I find these kind of things endearing. You might find it odd and alarming.
My greatest accomplishment one day will be when I am free from my own slavery, when I can shake the shackles from my wrists and legs.
Well, I sent a long comment on your post, but either you have to approve it first, or I was a dummy and let it time out before I hit 'post comment.' So, if this comment goes through immediately, I know it was the latter. There are some thoughts that I share with this post, but I'm a little worn out from my lengthy response the first time around. Suffice to say that I'll probably talk to you about it soon enough.
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